Celebrate Good Times...

Today marks the 2 year anniversary of Jordany's homecoming! I can hardly believe it's been two years already. It seemed as though we waited a lifetime to bring him home, and now time is just flying by. He's thriving in kindergarten, developing sweet friendships and growing by leaps and bounds (is it possible he could grow an inch a week?!).  He's a non-stop ball of energy. He never stops asking questions. He plays hard and sleeps well.

I don't think I could have ever imagined what a joy Jordany would be as my child. He is light and love and JOY JOY JOY! Don't get me wrong. He has his moments. Don't we all? Jordany has something special though, and the life of our family is forever changed for the better because of his presence.

He loves his siblings, his papa...everyone. When Baker comes home from college, Jordany yells, "BAKER!" and goes running to jump in his arms. He goes on super adventures with Brennan and his girlfriend, Chelsea. When Cara gets home in the afternoons, he hides from her and then pops out to surprise her. He plays with Eliza whenever he can. They'll get down on the floor and do puzzles together or work on homework at the same time. Jordany adores his "Papa". He's all smiles when Papa walks in the door in the evenings. Truly, in the revolving door of our home, there's not a person who comes in that Jordany won't try to play with...Size and age are insignificant to him.

Jordany turned 6 on March 26. So, his birthday and homecoming are close together, and it's a wonderful time of celebration. This year we did a true American birthday party... Chuck E. Cheese's! Are you jealous?! Oh, my! I can't remember the last time I was in Chuck E. Cheese's. It's not for the faint of heart, but it's a perfect place for a little boy turning 6. I can't even convey the amount of joy that was on his face with his friends seated at the table eating pizza, Chuck E. dancing around the room, and tickets, tickets, tickets flying everywhere... Remember the tickets?  You have them counted in the machine that goes "chomp, chomp, chomp" and gives you a receipt to take to the counter to get a prize. You have to get 10 million to get a stick of gum! Jordany got the "ticket-hookup", though. He won the coveted Golden Ticket worth 1000 tickets, and all of us adults gave him our tickets too. I think Chelsea hit the jack pot and won 1000 in one game! He ended up with about 2500 and a pretty darn good prize!

The past two years have been marked with special moments, hard times and lots of learning and growing... on all of our parts. Sometimes it's challenging to have "started over" with another child, but the challenge is so worth it. This child, every child, is created to be part of a family. Every child needs a home. Jordany thrives in family life. I am humbled that God allowed us this opportunity to bring Jordany home. He belongs here. God created the path and set the plan in motion. He's now weaving the threads of a beautiful child into the tapestry of our family. It is good. It is hard. It is life-changing. It is AMAZING.

There is, of course, so much to tell, so much that goes on every minute of every day. I can't share it all in a blog, but I want you to know about Jordany and his kindness and joy. I've told you before that he often wraps one arm across my back and says, "Happy Together." Those words thrill me. He sometimes gets up from the table and walks around to each one of us and gives us a kiss. At bedtime he gets the pillow and fluffs it up for me before we begin to read and pray. He sometimes wants Papa to tickle him a little, and when he does, Jordany's giggles fill the house and are infectious. You can't help but smile. Jordany picked flowers for me the other day (they were Dandelions...but hey! it's the thought that counts, right?!), held them behind his back and surprised me with them. He was so happy to be giving.

One of my favorite, new-to-the-mix, things he does is come up to me, Don or one of the kids with a smile on his face and arms outstretched and says, "Hey. Com'on. Gimme a hug!" How can I resist? How can anyone resist? Sometimes those hugs end with a kiss on the top of my head and a tender hand rubbing my back. His hugs are authentic. No side hugs. No wimpy arms wrapped around your neck or waist. No quick pat on the back. Tight squeezes... so tight that you can feel his joy move into your own body... there are no words to describe the feeling... Those hugs say it all!

So... we celebrate good times with Jordany, with you. Thank you for continuing on this journey with us. You are a significant part of our story and Jordany's life. We are forever grateful.

(P.S. Jordany reminds me of a perfect example of what it means to pay it forward to someone. His unexpected hugs are intentional with no expectations...just pure kindness. I think we all could use a little kindness in our lives. In case you didn't know, Pay It Forward Day is April 28. My friend and teammate Coach Dar is the US Ambassador for Pay It Forward Day. This year is the 10 year anniversary, and the goal is to achieve 10 million acts of kindness from the 78 countries that are involved. Jump on board. Help get the word out. Hug like Jordany hugs! You know what it's like to be the recipient of a kind act...be the giver too. The Lord knows, we need more kindness in this world. We have enough of the other.)

KINDERGARTEN!!!

Jordany is more excited than ever to be in KINDERGARTEN! He's just all over it. He started full time and goes from 8-3:30...such a long day for a little guy, but he loves it, and he loves his teacher...who, by the way is, no joke, the "Queen of Kindergarten." She's been teaching for 25 years, is known for dancing on the table on Fridays and was also Brennan & Cara's kindergarten teacher. We are so excited to have her for Jordany.

In the mornings, Jordany comes downstairs, thrusts his arms in the air and yells "KINDERGARTEN!" He can't wait to get there every day. He rode the bus the very first day and has been a champ riding it ever since then. The first few days that he rode the bus, he waved to me from the window, gave me a wink and then a thumbs up! He really takes a big bite of life and uses it for all its worth...that wink of his has to be one of my favorite things he does...sometimes he winks and clicks his tongue....wink, click, wink, click... ;-)

One thing Jordany was excited about was getting homework. Well, it didn't take long. The children have started to bring books home to read in the evening...oh, man! I forgot about that...it's been a while. Jordany's books are very short and only one to three words a page. He's a little behind compared to his peers, but he's doing well and is really smart. He's considered an English Language Learner and has an ELL teacher to help him fill in the gaps of his speaking, learning and reading. Although he speaks English really well, there are still lots of concepts and sound combinations for him to have clarified for him and for him learn. We are really grateful to have an ELL teacher to help him.

Not only did Jordany start kindergarten, but he also started playing soccer! OH. MY. GOODNESS. He's the cutest soccer player ever (I'm biased, of course). Jordany is very athletic and coordinated. He kicks the ball well and far, and he can hardly wait for practice each week. On Saturday he had his first game and scored two goals...one of which was really awesome because it was from a long distance. We cheered and cheered. All during the game, he would take a glance over at me, smile his big smile and wave...be still my heart.

So most everything Jordany does involves some kind of play! His favorite part of kindergarten is, of course, lunch and recess. Haha! Kids just love those two activities... I don't blame them. So do I! Jordany continues to thrive, and he's growing taller by the second. We may have a 6' foot Donahue after all!

Even with all of this fun, we certainly have our moments. Jordany can easily melt down...a simple "no" to a request can have him shouting, "I'm so angry" and crying like he'd broken his arm. This is really hard to deal with...there's part of it where there needs to be grace. It's not a typical 5 year old meltdown...at least it wasn't at first. We have to remember that "no" to him could mean "never." Sometimes, I just wrap him up in my arms and let him cry it out but still hold my ground. Recently, we've moved to doing "time in" where Jordany goes to his room to cry it out or work it out and I sit in the hallway. Doing this helps him to know that he's not being abandoned. He needs a safe place to work out his frustration, but he doesn't need to feel left. There are so many things I'm learning through adoption...some of which are counterintuitive, but the concepts have come through study and help from friends.

I have a feeling that Jordany is going to continue to thrive and love kindergarten, soccer and everything he does. He knows most every name in his class and on his soccer team, has a little crush on the girl he sits next to and prays for her every night and can't wait to get up and get dressed to go anywhere. If anything, Jordany is a go-getter. He loves being alive. His smile is testimony to that. I'm overwhelmingly grateful to be his mom, and, guess what?!
I LOVE KINDERGARTEN TOO!!

One Step Closer...

PRAISE GOD! 

JORDAN HAS HIS HAITIAN PASSPORT! 

Next Step: U.S. VISA!

Final Step: HOME!

Every journey begins with a step, and no journey is the same. Sometimes we step with conviction, and sometimes we step with trepidation. Every time we step, though, eyes wide open or eyes shut tight, we have to step in faith. Faith that He will see us through and will not lead us astray. Faith that His plan is better, and His time table is perfect.

This morning I read in a Parenting by Design devotional, "God moves at His pace, and we have to trust that He knows what is best for our family. When we get impatient and try to force our will, we can lose God's path...That's not to say we should stop moving forward...and just wait for God to move...He requires that we keep pursuing His path with diligence. But ours is an active dependence, constantly moving forward and yet content with wherever God's path leads us. We must have faith in the direction God is leading us and patience that He knows just how to proceed."

I find that I'm often trying to force "my will" and in doing so, I lose God's path, which becomes frustrating, especially when I want things done on my terms (read: quickly). If anything has taught me (and continues to teach me) that His way is better, it's been through this process of adopting.

I continue to relinquish my desires to His while trying to actively pursue the path He has placed before me. It's the only way. At the end of the day, the time table is not in my control. Every day, I remind myself of that and start anew. Thankfully, His grace covers my humanity, and as I realize that His ways truly are better than mine, I understand more fully the need to walk in faith and not by my time table.

Our realistic hope in December was that we would bring Jordan home in February, but the passport took three times the "typical" processing speed. We will not rely on a time table to predict when Jordan will be home, but our prayer is that we can go get him this spring; however, we take one step at a time and rejoice over each milestone in the process.

Regardless, our baby is coming home! I can't wait to see him and wrap him in my arms...that day is coming, and today we are one step closer! Thank God!

My Hope is Built on Nothing Less...

Nothing has been posted lately because we have had no updates. Haiti is quiet. Our paperwork is somewhere...hopefully being moved to the proper places and not sitting on a desk being overlooked. We have no control over that, though, and while we wait for news, time does not stand still. Life happens...all of it...the good, the bad and everything in between.

What we do with "the bad and the in between," though, is where life happens and growth abounds. Do we bolt the door when heartache knocks or do we answer and ask for help? Do we roll over and close our eyes when dreams crumble or do we stand up and dream anew? Do we shrink in the face of the ugliness of life or do we rise up and see the beauty in the ashes? Do we give up when the air is sucked from our lungs or do we breath longer and deeper? When trouble comes...and it will come...how do we manage?

The following verse from Romans 5:3-5 struck home with me recently. It says, "We are happy with the troubles we have. Why are we happy with troubles? Because we know that the troubles make us patient, and this patience is proof that gives us hope, and this hope will never disappoint us. We know this because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts through the Holy Spirit He gave to us."

The truth in these verses is that troubles teach us patience, and being patient is proof that we are strong. When we are patient, we have Hope, and our Hope will provide in every circumstance. This is hard for me to grasp sometimes. I don't want heartache and pain. I don't want to be patient through it. I want to get it over with. I want to get things done. I want to fix what's broken, smooth over what's uncomfortable and heal what's hurting...quickly.

It's hard to be patient and strong, confident and hopeful amidst the difficulties of life.  Jordan lives as an orphan and waits for us because he has no other choice. He doesn't know why he is waiting. I don't know why he is waiting, but I do know that the Lord is using this time to teach him and mold him...to prepare his heart for home. Jordan is alive and being cared for despite his circumstances. The troubles that this little boy of 3 1/2 has endured and survived is proof that there is Hope, and we are confident that this Hope will bring him home.

At home, we are depending on that same Hope to carry us through while life continues and our patience is tried, our endurance is challenged and our faith is tested. Our hurts and our sorrows are stretching us, growing us, shaping us and preparing us to be a stronger family...stronger individually and stronger as a whole...every single one of us. God is preparing our hearts for Jordan to come home. Preparation takes time, and the time table is not ours to manage. My mother's heart leaps out to each one of my children. I want them close. I want them home. I want them safe. I want them free from harm.

However, I am incapable of providing this kind of safety and surety for my children, for myself, for anyone. We are called to face our troubles, and it's in the brokenness of my life that I have found true Hope and have come to realize that mending takes time, healing takes patience and hard work. There is no quick fix.

My Hope, though, sustains me in every circumstance...in the moments when I turn to God to hold me and even in the moments when I turn away from God because I do not understand and don't want to understand. He's there when I shout at Him for mercy, when I cry out in anger. He's there for me when I am still and quiet. He never leaves me or forsakes me. He loves me in spite of my condition and because I am His.

I want my son...to see his face, to hug him, but I'm clinging to the Divine truth that this pain that I'm feeling will teach me patience in suffering, and that learning to be patient will give me proof of Hope in God, and the promise that His Hope will not disappoint me. He will carry me through.

God, I know that you hear my voice and my cries for mercy. Comfort my son. Do mighty works in him through the name of Jesus. May the power of prayer that is at work on his behalf give him renewed strength and comfort. Have mercy on us, all of your children. In all of our ways, teach us to acknowledge you, so that you will make our paths straight (Prov. 3:6). In this crazy, curvy journey of life, may we lean into you. Our world is full of trials and tribulation, and it always will be, but you, Father, are good all of the time.

As our family's journey continues, apart from Jordan by miles but close to him in heart, I am being taught that a change in circumstances requires a change in perspective. It's usually the dire seasons of life...the ones that hold your hand to the flame...that cause the most significant change...but only if we are willing to yield to the heat and be transformed. Anyone can feel good when life is good. My desire is to rise to the challenge of the painful seasons in my life and allow God to lift up my head when all of my strength is gone because my Hope is built on nothing less...

Hurry Up and Wait...

Hurry up and wait... the theme for many adoption stories, and a phrase that I have spoken repeatedly... It's really the only response to the question of when Jordan will come home because there is no answer or indicator.

The circumstances of adoption are unpredictable. Every story is different. No timeline is the same, and often it seems there is no method to the madness of waiting. I understand the necessity for paperwork, background checks, fingerprinting, notarization, authentications, etc. The most important thing in adoption is the safety of the child. We want each child to go to a secure, loving, well-screened home.

Guess what, though? All...and I mean ALL...of this paperwork has an expiration date. This is understandable to a certain extent, but most of the paperwork expires before the adoption process is complete...meaning home studies have to be redone, fingerprints have to be retaken (US fingerprints are good for only 18 months after which they are "kicked out" of the system because there is no room for them in the data base...hmm), and papers have to be notarized all over again.

We started our adoption process in August of 2011 and have begun the first steps of updating. Meanwhile Jordan waits. Updates on our process are few and far between, and we wait eagerly for any morsel of good news...from anyone adopting...ANY movement is good whether it's our child or not...but deep down, each of us wants it to be our own process moving along.

I wait with mixed emotions...I understand that there needs to be a process, and a good one, but it's aggravating that the process cannot complete itself before everything expires; I understand that paperwork processing in-country and out-of-country takes time, but it's heart wrenching that paperwork "stands still"(literally sits on desks) while children grow; I understand that good things come to those who wait, but it's painful to know that my child is waiting. He doesn't understand; I understand, and wholeheartedly believe, that God has a plan...a perfect one, but I grieve when hard hearts stall progress, red tape tangles processes and selfishness stands in the way of children going to forever families in a timely manner; I understand that to every season there is a purpose, but the children don't understand. Jordan turns 3 next month. How much can he possibly understand? Whether the child is 3 days, 3 months, 3 years or 13, there is no true, understandable explanation for waiting.

Waiting is part of the human condition. Waiting will always exist on this earth. I often think of Moses and his calling to free the Israelites from slavery in Egypt and lead them to the Promised Land. The children of Israel had to wait while Pharaoh's heart hardened time and again. Plagues tangled the way; destruction and death barricaded their path to freedom. Sin stands in the way of everything that is good. We live in a fallen world, but it is a world that God created to accomplish His purposes, and He will bring to pass the good work that He has begun.

One of His purposes is for us to care for the orphans, defending the cause of the fatherless. I cling to the promise that He will bring to fruition the calling that He has placed on our lives to bring Jordan home. I sit at His feet and beg for His mercy. I pray that He will soften hearts, move paperwork along and bring my child home.

We are blessed that Jordan waits in a creche where he is fed, clothed, nurtured and loved. He has a bed. He has friends. He is taught his ABC's and sings the name of Jesus. He is safe...for now.

I pray for Jordan's little heart and ask God to prepare him for his forever family...to give him a sense of belonging in spite of his circumstances...to allow him to feel an overwhelming love from across the "big blue sky."

Please come to the Father on behalf of Jordan and all of the children who are waiting across the world. Please ask Jesus to melt hard hearts...destroying motives that stand in the way of justice. Beg Him to move paperwork like lightening and release the floodgates...ushering our children home. We need an army, and God has promised that if we ask anything in His name, He will bring it to pass according to His will and plan for our lives.

Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours...I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you...(I will) defend the cause of the fatherless...You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you...And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished...

Mark 11:24, John 14:18, Deuteronomy 10:18, John 15:16, Philippians 1:6

Joyeux Noel...

In a manger He lay...the One who would save the world. Love came down. Behold the Good News of Jesus Christ.

Thinking of Christ's birth this Christmas season has been especially emotional for me. I have listened to and read tender interpretations from friends, preachers, Max Lucado and others who have brought a life to the Christmas story that continues to illicit tears from my eyes and secure joy in my heart.

Reflecting on Jesus' birth this season has brought me nearer to Him, the Christ child, and nearer to my child who doesn't know me. I long to touch my son as Mary touched the face of her baby boy. I long to hold him in my arms and rock him as Mary rocked God Himself.

There is countless imagery that emerges...we are orphans; God adopted us; Jordan is an orphan; We are adopting him; The manger scene is called a creche; Jordan lives in a creche. In no way am I comparing Jordan to Christ or our adoption to God's adoption, but the tangible nature of adopting Jordan has renewed the Christ child within me.

Christ is alive and well. In this world, we will encounter many trials and tribulations. We will mourn the loss of friends and family. We will lose our jobs. We will face divorce. We will be hurt by others. We will hurt others. We will long for a child we do not know. We will wait for answers. We will agonize and ache, but God says, "Take heart. I have overcome the world and everything in it!" He did this with a tiny baby, born in an insignificant town in a dirty stable to preteen mother and overwhelmed father. He came unnoticed except to a few shepherds, wise men and animals. Heaven was not unaware, though. Joy exploded as the Prince of God came to save us from the prince of darkness.

Emmanuel. God is with us. Always and forever.

Joyeux Noel

Mama Blanc...

I have a new friend who is adopting from the same orphanage where Jordany is in Haiti. She and her husband are taking their two biological children to meet their 9 month old sister this coming weekend. My friend offered to take some things to Jordany for us, and we jumped at the chance.

Each of the kids made a Christmas card for Jordany expressing their love for their new brother. It was so tender for me to read the words that they wrote to the little brother they do not know...he is a face far away...connected to us but not tangible...almost unreal...ours nonetheless.

We also sent him a cute outfit with guitars on it... this is Nashville after all! The son of my dear friend gathered up matchbox cars to give to him, and we made him a simple flip book of photos of his family...each a memento wrapped in love.

I sat down to write Jordany a note to send with the gifts. As I began writing, I began crying (of course)...this little child of mine...what do I say to my 2 1/2 year old who doesn't know my name...to him I am "Mama Blanc." What do I say to my child who doesn't know my face; who doesn't call me mommy; who doesn't comprehend the love waiting for him across the miles?

My note was simple...he is 2 1/2 after all; he doesn't speak English, and I didn't need to say much. Writing him took my breath away. I'm writing to my baby! I don't know him. I don't know what it feels like to hold him. I don't know what his little voice sounds like. I don't know what to say because there is too much to say. I penned simple, tender assurances telling my baby how much I love him, how much we all love him...telling him that he has a mommy and daddy, 2 big brothers and 2 big sisters waiting for him. I told him that we would come soon...I pray we can.

I cannot wait to gather my baby boy into my arms, wrap him up, hug him, hold him...Will he let me? I pray every day that God will prepare his little heart for love...from me, from his daddy and from his brothers and sisters.

"Oh, Love that will not let me go. I rest my soul in Thee."

God Speed...

Because of the help and prayers of many, our paperwork has officially entered the adoption department of the Haitian government! We are so grateful for God's hand in every step of our journey.

I love looking at the pictures of Jordany...his eyes, his smile, his face. I often trace his photos with my finger, praying for every part of him. It's strange to know that we have a child thousands of miles away that we have yet to scoop up in our arms, hug, kiss and assure him of his place in our heart and in our home. Jordany doesn't know us; yet, I pray that he senses us...that God has given him a peace that lets him know that we are coming to get him.

The most difficult part of adoption is waiting. "Waiting" is a rampant theme throughout the whole process. The completion of all the legalities, paperwork, court appearances, loom in front of us keeping us aware that we still have much waiting yet to do. I'm beginning to think that my prayer for patience is being taken way too seriously :-) I feel sufficiently tested and think I will pray for light speed...for us, for all of the adopting families and especially for the little ones who wait and do not understand.

Our God opened His mouth and created the heavens and the earth. His lips spoke "light", and there was light. His breath breathed the stars, and the universe was filled. His hands formed the most intricate of living beings from a handful of dust. Were His praises not sung by men and women, we would hear the rocks cry out His name, the winds clap hallelujahs and the hills shout out His glory.

It's true that we have up to another year and a half before we can bring Jordany home,  but our God is a God of deliverance. He parted the seas, gave sight to the blind, raised men and women from the dead. His mercies never come to an end. Our prayer is that God will move heaven and earth and bring our baby boy home sooner rather than later.

A New Donahue... called by Name

I've been working on a family blog for our adoption journey. Several of the posts about our adoption were on my personal blog. So, I transferred them over here.

A journey is a great way to describe the process of adoption. There are hills and valleys, fast rides and slow crawls, and we are only in the beginning.

Our home study is complete and we now begin finishing up documents so that we can get our fingerprints and then send our dossier to Haiti. It's a lot of work, but I have to continue to remind myself that our adoption road is not planned by me. There is comfort in knowing that the God of all Grace and Comfort has planned our journey step-by-step.

When things don't go my way or the way that I had thought they would go, it is a privilege to rest in the assurance that my missteps and mistakes are all in God's hands. He has already planned this journey, and He steers me. I need to allow Him to do just that.

As I reflect on the beginning of our adoption decision and this giant leap of faith, I can't help but be reminded of Isaiah 43:1: "I have called you by name. You are mine."

I want to put an exclamation point at the end of "you are mine"... I can hear the Father shouting from the heavens: "Laura Lyn. I have called YOU by name. YOU ARE MINE!" The same way He calls me by name, He has called each one of us, including our yet-to-be-named, new Donahue.

We have all been adopted by God our Heavenly Father. He ransomed His one and only Son, Jesus Christ, so that He could shout our names from the heavens and declare that we are His. WE ARE HIS!

In this season of Christmas, as we prepare for the celebration of the Christ child's birth, I'm reminded of Mary's obedience to the Lord's calling on her life. She was unaware of His plan, yet she agreed to trust and obey. In essence, she agreed to adopt Christ into her own womb and raise the son of God as her son. Joseph agreed to be Jesus' earthly Father and care for Him as his own.

Adoption is a part of everyone's story. Each of our journeys is different, but we are all called by name by the Lord of Hosts. He shouts from the heavens that you and I are His. We long to shout from the hills of Tennessee the name of our new child...our new Donahue. We wait with expectancy.