But God...

I opened my email yesterday morning and waiting there in my inbox was a message we have anticipated for 2+ years now...

"Dear Mr. & Mrs. Donahue...

we are pleased to inform you that 

Jordany Donahue may be scheduled for 

the final visa interview..." 

The final one. What does this mean? We are closer today than we have ever been...our baby boy will be home soon, very soon. How can we possibly express the emotions running through our hearts and heads?!

The formal adoption process, the paperwork, the delays, the waiting, the unknown timeframe... all of it is almost done...it really, really is...almost done! How can it be?! Something so long-awaited is about to come to fruition...something only God Himself could orchestrate to its fullness and bring about this most dramatic turning of the page...

God is the Change Agent, the Difference Maker...
The only one who can fill my empty cup until it runneth over, the only one who can remind me that He means it all for good...
In every season, in every stage, there would be no difference, no challenge to our faith, no change in our life...

"but God"

I am overwhelmed by the process...

but God makes all things possible

I am weak from waiting...

but God is my refuge & strength

I am depleted and have no answers...

but God gave the increase

I have so little faith...

but God is faithful

I am insufficient...

but God is my sufficiency

I am weary and heavy laden...

but God is the strength of my heart & my portion forever

I can't wait any longer...

but God is full of compassion, long-suffering & filled with mercy

It is God alone who turns our heads and our hearts from the impossible to the possible. There is no good thing that does not fully emanate from the hands of our Maker. How Great is Our God...from everlasting to everlasting, He is faithful.

God's skillful hands weave a tapestry unlike any I could ever imagine. Every stitch is divinely intertwined. Every knot is made beautiful. Every cord is richly hued. Every tear is patched and tightly woven. Every inch of every fiber is filled with mercy and grace, and the blanket over us is love...His love.

So...what does all this mean?

It means that... 

no part of this journey could have been possible without God and... 

JORDAN WILL COME HOME IN LESS THAN A MONTH!

Our hope, God-willing, is to take our family of SIX to Haiti and 

come home as a family of 

SEVEN!

Of course, it will take a miracle to organize and orchestrate flights and schedules, but we have already been blessed by offers to help.

If you're here, reading this, you are part of our journey. We are blessed by you. Thank you for being the hands and feet of Jesus and for rejoicing with us as we anticipate bringing our son home.

BUT GOD... 

Called us

Sent His own son to die for us

 Claimed us as His own

Adopted us as His sons and daughters

He is the great Change Maker... He alone is the difference!

One Step Closer...

PRAISE GOD! 

JORDAN HAS HIS HAITIAN PASSPORT! 

Next Step: U.S. VISA!

Final Step: HOME!

Every journey begins with a step, and no journey is the same. Sometimes we step with conviction, and sometimes we step with trepidation. Every time we step, though, eyes wide open or eyes shut tight, we have to step in faith. Faith that He will see us through and will not lead us astray. Faith that His plan is better, and His time table is perfect.

This morning I read in a Parenting by Design devotional, "God moves at His pace, and we have to trust that He knows what is best for our family. When we get impatient and try to force our will, we can lose God's path...That's not to say we should stop moving forward...and just wait for God to move...He requires that we keep pursuing His path with diligence. But ours is an active dependence, constantly moving forward and yet content with wherever God's path leads us. We must have faith in the direction God is leading us and patience that He knows just how to proceed."

I find that I'm often trying to force "my will" and in doing so, I lose God's path, which becomes frustrating, especially when I want things done on my terms (read: quickly). If anything has taught me (and continues to teach me) that His way is better, it's been through this process of adopting.

I continue to relinquish my desires to His while trying to actively pursue the path He has placed before me. It's the only way. At the end of the day, the time table is not in my control. Every day, I remind myself of that and start anew. Thankfully, His grace covers my humanity, and as I realize that His ways truly are better than mine, I understand more fully the need to walk in faith and not by my time table.

Our realistic hope in December was that we would bring Jordan home in February, but the passport took three times the "typical" processing speed. We will not rely on a time table to predict when Jordan will be home, but our prayer is that we can go get him this spring; however, we take one step at a time and rejoice over each milestone in the process.

Regardless, our baby is coming home! I can't wait to see him and wrap him in my arms...that day is coming, and today we are one step closer! Thank God!

"Hurry is not in My Nature..."

Referral Oct 2012

Learning the "art of patience" is not something that has ever come naturally to me. In fact, it will never be an "art" for me. Instead, patience for me is solely an act of faith and dependent on my trust in Jesus.

"Faith is what makes real the things we hope for. It is proof of what we cannot see." (Hebrews 11:1).

Waiting for God's timing throughout our adoption journey has been our greatest challenge; yet, also, our greatest comfort. In the Jesus Calling entry for today, Sarah Young writes the following as though Jesus himself were speaking, "If you want to work with Me, you have to accept my time frame. Hurry is not in my nature." These words ring true, especially in our adoption story.  As much as we may have wanted to hurry things along, our journey has been the opposite of "hurried." Nothing turns over too quickly in the process of an adoption, but we have accepted God's time frame knowing that His plan is perfect...not ours.

While "hurry" may not be in God's nature, it is in His nature to bring glad tidings of great joy... In this wonderful season of rejoicing over the birth of the Christ child, we also rejoice over news that God has given movement to our adoption... there is a light shining and a great hope that we will bring Jordan home in the first months following the new year. We don't have a date, but we hold on to our hope and keep our faith while we wait for the unseen processes to occur and allow our son to come home... it may not be in a hurry but it is sooner now than ever!

     

                             May 2013

June 2013

August 2013

July 2013

We rejoice in the Lord, always. We are humbled and awed and are ever grateful for the love and support of our friends, our family and the strangers who journey with us in this walk of patience and faith.

September 2013

Please continue your prayers as we pray Jordan home... He is coming! Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

October 2013

November 2013

My Hope is Built on Nothing Less...

Nothing has been posted lately because we have had no updates. Haiti is quiet. Our paperwork is somewhere...hopefully being moved to the proper places and not sitting on a desk being overlooked. We have no control over that, though, and while we wait for news, time does not stand still. Life happens...all of it...the good, the bad and everything in between.

What we do with "the bad and the in between," though, is where life happens and growth abounds. Do we bolt the door when heartache knocks or do we answer and ask for help? Do we roll over and close our eyes when dreams crumble or do we stand up and dream anew? Do we shrink in the face of the ugliness of life or do we rise up and see the beauty in the ashes? Do we give up when the air is sucked from our lungs or do we breath longer and deeper? When trouble comes...and it will come...how do we manage?

The following verse from Romans 5:3-5 struck home with me recently. It says, "We are happy with the troubles we have. Why are we happy with troubles? Because we know that the troubles make us patient, and this patience is proof that gives us hope, and this hope will never disappoint us. We know this because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts through the Holy Spirit He gave to us."

The truth in these verses is that troubles teach us patience, and being patient is proof that we are strong. When we are patient, we have Hope, and our Hope will provide in every circumstance. This is hard for me to grasp sometimes. I don't want heartache and pain. I don't want to be patient through it. I want to get it over with. I want to get things done. I want to fix what's broken, smooth over what's uncomfortable and heal what's hurting...quickly.

It's hard to be patient and strong, confident and hopeful amidst the difficulties of life.  Jordan lives as an orphan and waits for us because he has no other choice. He doesn't know why he is waiting. I don't know why he is waiting, but I do know that the Lord is using this time to teach him and mold him...to prepare his heart for home. Jordan is alive and being cared for despite his circumstances. The troubles that this little boy of 3 1/2 has endured and survived is proof that there is Hope, and we are confident that this Hope will bring him home.

At home, we are depending on that same Hope to carry us through while life continues and our patience is tried, our endurance is challenged and our faith is tested. Our hurts and our sorrows are stretching us, growing us, shaping us and preparing us to be a stronger family...stronger individually and stronger as a whole...every single one of us. God is preparing our hearts for Jordan to come home. Preparation takes time, and the time table is not ours to manage. My mother's heart leaps out to each one of my children. I want them close. I want them home. I want them safe. I want them free from harm.

However, I am incapable of providing this kind of safety and surety for my children, for myself, for anyone. We are called to face our troubles, and it's in the brokenness of my life that I have found true Hope and have come to realize that mending takes time, healing takes patience and hard work. There is no quick fix.

My Hope, though, sustains me in every circumstance...in the moments when I turn to God to hold me and even in the moments when I turn away from God because I do not understand and don't want to understand. He's there when I shout at Him for mercy, when I cry out in anger. He's there for me when I am still and quiet. He never leaves me or forsakes me. He loves me in spite of my condition and because I am His.

I want my son...to see his face, to hug him, but I'm clinging to the Divine truth that this pain that I'm feeling will teach me patience in suffering, and that learning to be patient will give me proof of Hope in God, and the promise that His Hope will not disappoint me. He will carry me through.

God, I know that you hear my voice and my cries for mercy. Comfort my son. Do mighty works in him through the name of Jesus. May the power of prayer that is at work on his behalf give him renewed strength and comfort. Have mercy on us, all of your children. In all of our ways, teach us to acknowledge you, so that you will make our paths straight (Prov. 3:6). In this crazy, curvy journey of life, may we lean into you. Our world is full of trials and tribulation, and it always will be, but you, Father, are good all of the time.

As our family's journey continues, apart from Jordan by miles but close to him in heart, I am being taught that a change in circumstances requires a change in perspective. It's usually the dire seasons of life...the ones that hold your hand to the flame...that cause the most significant change...but only if we are willing to yield to the heat and be transformed. Anyone can feel good when life is good. My desire is to rise to the challenge of the painful seasons in my life and allow God to lift up my head when all of my strength is gone because my Hope is built on nothing less...

The Weight of the Wait...

We seem to spend a lot of our life "waiting." Waiting in line. Waiting for an answer. Waiting for success. Waiting for something to pass. Waiting for something to come. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

In fact, I have been waiting to post about our adoption because I haven't had anything to report. No update. No status. No news. Just wait.

I'm sure most of you have heard that it's important not to waste the wait, and I agree. In fact, what we do with our time while we are waiting is significant because waiting can produce growth, learning, patience, understanding and so much more. There are lessons to learn in waiting that shouldn't be overlooked, and we are trying to appreciate the time while we wait.

Frankly, though, I'm just tired of waiting. That's the honest truth. It's okay to be tired of waiting, and I am. Don't get me wrong. I'm not wasting the waiting. Trust me. I have 4 kids at home, a precious husband, a good job, dear friends and life to live. We are living it, loving it and are grateful for it...we just wish Jordan was here with us.

I'm waiting. Don is waiting. Baker is waiting. Brennan is waiting. Cara is waiting. Eliza is waiting. Jordan is WAITING. He's waiting for us. We're waiting for him, and there's nothing we can do to avoid waiting. It's part of adoption...one of the most difficult parts, especially when information comes slowly, processes are inconsistent and time frames are unpredictable. We signed up for this...because at the end of the day it's worth it.

Today I just wanted you to know that we continue to wait. There's no more information to pass along. We don't know how much longer until we get to bring Jordan home. We have no timeframe. No indication.

However, we do not wait without hope...ever! Our prayer is that Jordan will be home before Christmas. Nothing is impossible with God. In fact, EVERYTHING is possible with Him who has called us according to His purposes.

As we wait, please pray for our family when you think of us. Pray for the hundreds of families and thousands of children who wait for each other. Pray for a massive movement of paperwork that will usher thousands home. Pray our babies home. Pray for us as we wait.

A Mother's Love...

Monday morning at 7:30 the birth mother of our sweet Jordan will be interviewed by
the US Embassy in Haiti. Jordan will be there too. This is part of the process and necessary to move the adoption process to the next step.

Two years ago this month, Jordan's mother decided that she could no longer care for her baby boy. She made the ultimate sacrifice of love and brought her 18 month old son to a créche where she knew he would be fed, loved, cared for and adopted by a family who could provide for her son in a way that she could not and, perhaps, would never be able to. In order to take care of her son, she had to give him away.

In June, she gave up her son again. She attended Haitian court and gave her verbal and written legal agreement to give Jordan up for adoption. Don and I met her just a few short hours after she did this. Meeting Jordan's mother wasn't easy...not for her, not for me, not for Don. We could see the emotion and pain surging in her eyes and watched as she gestured to keep the tears at bay. I could not imagine what she was giving up...how could she do it? Only because of her tremendous love for her baby boy and what was best for him.

A third painful surrender for this brave mother will happen again on Monday...only she will be seeing her baby again, gazing at the one that she is relinquishing her legal rights to claim. How will she do this? I don't know, but I do know that she is strong, and that her love for Jordan is great enough to give him up so that he can thrive.

While she gives up the physical presence of her son and turns his care over to Don and me, she does not give up the great love that she has for him, and the choice that she has made comes out of that deep well of love within her heart.

Haitian men and women are strong. They have been cut from a "cloth" of strength that I cannot fathom. Theirs is a culture of survival, and often in such circumstances, the only way to ensure the survival of the one that you love, is to give him or her away.

My Father did the same for me. He gave up His only son so that I could survive...me, you, all of us. Why? Because there was no other way. Not one of us could bear the weight of sin, struggle, heartache and pain thrust upon us in this broken world...not without His Love, not without His sacrifice. Such a Love as this is beyond compare, beyond understanding.

In a similar vein, Jordan's mother is giving him up so that he can survive. I am humbled by her selflessness. I am overwhelmed by the blessing to stand in the gap for Jordan's biological mother...to love our little boy with all of my heart, to care for his every need when she could not.

Please pray for Jordan's biological mother...on Monday, on any day that she comes to mind...remember her and ask God to give her continued strength. Pray for Jordan on Monday as he sees his mother. I don't know if he will remember her, but it will be an emotional time for both mother and son.

The business of a "birth parent" interview is not easy. The emotion of it can be excruciating. It is, however, part of the process, and must take place so the next step can happen.

Thank you, Marie, for your love for Jordan and for your sacrifice. I promise to love him with everything that I am.

"Yes, God loved the world so much that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him would not be lost but would have eternal life." John 3:16

"Take Heart! I have overcome the world!"...

My heart is wrenched with emotions that are both terrifically beautiful and terrifyingly painful. I've said it before myself and others have said it as well...in this life, joy cannot exist without sorrow; healing cannot occur apart from pain...but Love's promise is true... the weeping may last for the nighttime but joy will come in the morning.

We are holding tightly to the promise...without it, we could have never left our son in Haiti. Our confidence is in the Lord and His ability to accomplish all that He has set out to do...all for His glory. We stand firm on the foundation that what He has begun, He will complete.

Meeting Jordan for the first time was indescribable...seeing in person the child I only know in pictures, picking up my baby boy I have never held, touching the soft brown skin of his face, gazing into his big chocolate eyes, kissing his little head, holding him tightly while he held me for dear life...He gripping me in confusion...me grasping him with love that I have been holding inside for so long...all exploding --- all three of us in tears.

There is no easy way to separate a child from what he or she knows to be true, consistent and predictable. Jordan did not know us...not really. He has photos of us and his nanny has told him about us, but to him I was not his mama; Don was not his papa...at least not on that first meeting, not to him.

I have birthed four children. I have known each one since the day he or she was born. I have counted their toes and fingers. I have held them, rocked them, nursed them, fed them, loved them. I know their personalities. I know their likes and dislikes. I know that they love me. They know that I am their mommy...it's easy to start from the beginning because it's the only place to start.

While our beginning with Jordan did not start on the day that he was born, our beginning started on June 11, 2013...at three years old. How do you start from the beginning at 3? You just do, and we did...our lives and family history-- changed forever.

Haiti is now part of our heritage...part of what our family picture looks like...part of our story, our tapestry so intricately and delicately woven. Our beginning began with success...in the details of process and in the filling of our hearts.

While in Haiti we were able to attend all three courts that we needed to go to. In one day, between the hours of 6:00am-1:00pm, we traveled from the guest house where we stayed (an hour drive down horrendous "roads"...no stop signs, no rules...just horns beeping with meaning---meaning nothing to us but "hold on tight!") to the US Embassy and filed our

paperwork (here we waited two hours to be called, were sworn in behind a "teller window" in a row of 30 windows just like it and interviewed), met Jordan's birth mother (unexpected timing, heartbreaking--each of us mothers holding back our tears---unable to communicate--each giving the other an invaluable gift), attended Haitian lower court (a trailer filled with a hundred people...two signatures on a legal pad, a handshake and a "merci") and Haitian upper court (I had to borrow closed toed shoes because my sandals were not dressy enough...we never saw a judge but handed over our passports...they were returned to us...we were done) and returned to the guest house to enjoy the rest of our time with Jordan. God accomplished so much for us that day, and we felt covered in prayer.

Our few days with Jordan were wonderful. He ate every meal with us, slept in a bed in our room, and I got to be his mother. He wouldn't let me put him down. He was unsure about Don, but there was an obvious delight in his eyes over him and a desire for approval. We learned to communicate...enough to get by anyway...enough to smile, laugh, giggle, play and love...enough to know that he is ours by the grace of God...enough to know we didn't want to leave him.

From top to bottom, inside and out, through and through, I know that I am Jordan's mama and that Don is his papa. The bond of love when you see your child for the first time...whether it be at birth or at 3 years old is undeniable, and when the love begins, you are vulnerable to the sorrow...it's inevitable, inescapable.

Leaving our baby boy broke my heart...my heart filled with love over my precious son was torn open to the heartache of goodbye. It would be too much to bear if I didn't know that I will see him again. I will, and when I do, I will bring him home...we will bring him home.

The hundred-million dollar question is "when?" The answer is "I don't know." My prayer is that it will be sooner rather than later..."what does that mean?" We all want a time-frame, an answer, a "due date." The answer is still, "I don't know." It's gut-wrenching to not know; however, our prayer is that he would come home by Christmas...optimistic? "perhaps"...possible? "yes" Anything is possible with God...ANYTHING!

Please pray with us. Pray that our process will speed right along. Pray that Jordan will come home by Christmas. Pray. Pray. Pray. Tell others to pray. If you know someone who knows someone, tell that person to pray...and to act if there are open doors, and pray some more.

The journey home is long, arduous, wrought with sorrow and pain...but the joy far outweighs the heartache, and Love reigns...Love wins because Love is the foundation, and it will not be shaken.  Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart. I have OVERCOME the world!" (John 16:33).


So much happened on our trip...of course there are many more details and stories to tell...what happened in our hearts, though, confirms that "We Are On Our Way," and with confidence we will stay the course and bring our baby home...to God be the glory. He does GREAT things!