What we do with "the bad and the in between," though, is where life happens and growth abounds. Do we bolt the door when heartache knocks or do we answer and ask for help? Do we roll over and close our eyes when dreams crumble or do we stand up and dream anew? Do we shrink in the face of the ugliness of life or do we rise up and see the beauty in the ashes? Do we give up when the air is sucked from our lungs or do we breath longer and deeper? When trouble comes...and it will come...how do we manage?
The following verse from Romans 5:3-5 struck home with me recently. It says, "We are happy with the troubles we have. Why are we happy with troubles? Because we know that the troubles make us patient, and this patience is proof that gives us hope, and this hope will never disappoint us. We know this because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts through the Holy Spirit He gave to us."
The truth in these verses is that troubles teach us patience, and being patient is proof that we are strong. When we are patient, we have Hope, and our Hope will provide in every circumstance. This is hard for me to grasp sometimes. I don't want heartache and pain. I don't want to be patient through it. I want to get it over with. I want to get things done. I want to fix what's broken, smooth over what's uncomfortable and heal what's hurting...quickly.
It's hard to be patient and strong, confident and hopeful amidst the difficulties of life. Jordan lives as an orphan and waits for us because he has no other choice. He doesn't know why he is waiting. I don't know why he is waiting, but I do know that the Lord is using this time to teach him and mold him...to prepare his heart for home. Jordan is alive and being cared for despite his circumstances. The troubles that this little boy of 3 1/2 has endured and survived is proof that there is Hope, and we are confident that this Hope will bring him home.
At home, we are depending on that same Hope to carry us through while life continues and our patience is tried, our endurance is challenged and our faith is tested. Our hurts and our sorrows are stretching us, growing us, shaping us and preparing us to be a stronger family...stronger individually and stronger as a whole...every single one of us. God is preparing our hearts for Jordan to come home. Preparation takes time, and the time table is not ours to manage. My mother's heart leaps out to each one of my children. I want them close. I want them home. I want them safe. I want them free from harm.
However, I am incapable of providing this kind of safety and surety for my children, for myself, for anyone. We are called to face our troubles, and it's in the brokenness of my life that I have found true Hope and have come to realize that mending takes time, healing takes patience and hard work. There is no quick fix.
My Hope, though, sustains me in every circumstance...in the moments when I turn to God to hold me and even in the moments when I turn away from God because I do not understand and don't want to understand. He's there when I shout at Him for mercy, when I cry out in anger. He's there for me when I am still and quiet. He never leaves me or forsakes me. He loves me in spite of my condition and because I am His.
I want my son...to see his face, to hug him, but I'm clinging to the Divine truth that this pain that I'm feeling will teach me patience in suffering, and that learning to be patient will give me proof of Hope in God, and the promise that His Hope will not disappoint me. He will carry me through.
God, I know that you hear my voice and my cries for mercy. Comfort my son. Do mighty works in him through the name of Jesus. May the power of prayer that is at work on his behalf give him renewed strength and comfort. Have mercy on us, all of your children. In all of our ways, teach us to acknowledge you, so that you will make our paths straight (Prov. 3:6). In this crazy, curvy journey of life, may we lean into you. Our world is full of trials and tribulation, and it always will be, but you, Father, are good all of the time.
As our family's journey continues, apart from Jordan by miles but close to him in heart, I am being taught that a change in circumstances requires a change in perspective. It's usually the dire seasons of life...the ones that hold your hand to the flame...that cause the most significant change...but only if we are willing to yield to the heat and be transformed. Anyone can feel good when life is good. My desire is to rise to the challenge of the painful seasons in my life and allow God to lift up my head when all of my strength is gone because my Hope is built on nothing less...
